Thursday, July 05, 2007

My motherhood discovery

I'm not sure how, but I think I have finally accepted the fact that my daughter has changed my life. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the rodeo and the movie theatre. I'm talking about going to the baseball game last night and being okay with spending a few innings at the play area without knowing what the score was. In fact, I was planning on this before we even got to the game and I still wanted to go.

A few months back, I would have been really upset that Sadie wasn't sitting quietly in her seat allowing me to focus on the game. When she got really restless, I would be jealous of everyone else that got to relax and enjoy the game while I was getting up to chase her all over the playground.

But last night I didn't mind getting out of my seat so that Sadie could run around. I actually enjoyed watching her spend 20 minutes playing with the toy steering wheel. I had fun watching her interact with other children. There were a a few times I would hear the crowd cheer and I would wonder what just happened but never once did I wish I was somewhere other than with Sadie.

I think what's happened is that I am really starting to enjoy being a Mom. Don't get me wrong, I have always liked being a Mom. I mean, I am doing what I have always wanted to do. But I feel like I appreciate the time I have with Sadie more. I no longer look at all the time I spend taking care of her as work or boring or even monotonous. I'm not sure how or when things changed for me but I'm sure glad they have. Sure, I still look forward to when she naps so that I can get a few things done but I don't dread hearing the sounds of her waking up like I use to.

I guess you could say that I have finally come to terms with the fact that Sadie's needs come before mine. Whether that be her needing to stretch her legs while I would rather be watching the baseball game or me wanting to go out to the Olive Garden but knowing Sadie would do better at the play space at McDonald's. Oh, and not being disappointed with those things but instead finding joy in them. Being a Mom is a selfless job and I am just now starting to get that. I'm talking really understanding that and still being excited about my role as a Mom. I still have a long way to go but I think the more I embrace this new discovery, the better Mother I will be.


Blake said...

This is a nice reminder, Bella. It's sad how quick I lose my patience with a two year old because I think she should be behaving better. :)

Anonymous said...

I struggle with this a lot (especially lately). Maybe my selfishness comes in waves; I don't know. It was one of the biggest adjustments, I think, to having a child--putting his needs before my needs like sleep, eating, showering, etc. Maybe I didn't give myself over fully enough. Maybe I held back. Maybe I told myself, "I'll do this for now, but once he can walk/put food in his mouth/entertain himself, I'M OUTTA HERE." (Well, I'm done doing this for him.)

I'm so tired of being frustrated with him. I need to just let go.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST, LINDSEY!! I might write about this soon and (of course) reference you.

Anonymous said...

Bravo Lindsey! You have learned a very valuable concept in your young motherhood years. Kids do come first. You decided to have them and it is your loving responsiblity to care for them. Besides, there is not greater joy that can come to you than being a mommy. I love being a Mother!!!

Angie said...

What a great post Linds! I think this was a good reminder to all of us young mommies who struggle with the day to day stuff that goes along with being a mother. It's not the easiest job in the world, but it is worth every second and the rewards are endless!!

Lexia said...

I really liked reading this, Lindsey, because you wrote exactly what I think I'll struggle with most when I become a mom.

Annette and Rick said...

What great insight! In addition to letting you enjoy the moment, living the way you describe will enable you to you look back on your child-raising years with gratitude that you put aside things that SEEM to matter for things that DO matter most. Happiness is commensurate with unselfishness.

Jacki said...

Wow Lindsey! That is beautiful. It really helps me appreciate all the things that my mother sacrificed for me. You are such a great mother!